At 9:13 a.m. on Nov. 4, 2019, Heidi Bills got a phone call she will never forget. Her husband Mike was screaming her name.
A few days earlier, life had looked ordinary. The night before, however, her brother Kyler Kiner had texted to tell her she and her husband were great parents. It was a message she would later recognize differently. One of the signs she wishes she had known how to see.
She was getting that call because sometime after Kyler texted her, he took his own life. Today, Heidi and the rest of the Kiner family tell his story because they know what silence can cost; and what a conversation might change.
“We can bring up our younger kids now and teach ourselves that it is okay to talk about it,” Bills said. “Kyler did not feel that. He felt he had to be this big, tough guy, and that nobody talks about that stuff. Please, please,” she pleaded, “talk about things. Acknowledge everybody.”
That is what changing the narrative looks like. It is replacing “They seem fine” with “Something feels different. I’m going to ask.” And it means understanding that the right words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be spoken.
“People often wait for the perfect moment or the perfect words, and there really aren’t any,” said Heather Wilson, DNP, PMHNP-BC, Behavioral Health provider at Greene County Medical Center. “What matters is being willing to ask, listen and stay present. A conversation can be a starting point for getting someone connected to help.”
September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. This year’s theme is Changing the Narrative on Suicide, but the Kiners, the Bills and everyone at Greene County Medical Center are asking people to change more than the conversation around suicide. Change the words. Ask the questions. Make room for the answers. Because sometimes the words we almost don’t say are the words that matter most.
Greene County Medical Center’s Behavioral Health team provides mental health evaluations, counseling/therapy and medication management, including care for people experiencing depression, anxiety, grief and other mental health concerns. Contact them at 515-386-2488.
But help doesn’t have to wait for an appointment. Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7 for anyone experiencing emotional distress or for those worried about someone else. The service is free and confidential.
In central Iowa, there is also help available through Eyerly Ball Community Mental Health Services. They offer behavioral health and crisis services in central Iowa and can be reached at 855-581-8111.
