This past week my grocery store checker and carry out assistant both said the right words without any eye contact. The first was the checker, an estimated mid-aged teenager. Most likely the manager had taught her to ask, “Did you find everything you needed?” All well, but she was clicking the cans through the scanner during the statement and didn’t look at me.
The carry out person, again a high schooler, lagged behind me with the cart. I slowed my stride so he was walking beside me and engaged in conversation, questioning when his shift ended. He politely provided a response, saying he was done at 9:00, but again without any eye contact.
When the groceries were loaded, he perfunctly thanked me and verbally offered a good day, all while his eyes were downcast.
This lack of communication and interaction is present in our family also. My own Grands have sat in our living room, no more than 5 feet from each other, and texted to one another on their phones.
I have a friend who teaches and coaches at Grand View in Des Moines. We share our concerns periodically. In a recent conversation he related this is the time of year parents and their children begin to visit colleges for potential future enrollment. As the coach of a sports team, he may be able to offer help with college financial aid to team members through scholarships. He gave the example of a recent interview with the potential student and the parents. He was directing the questions and interaction to the child, but the child did not respond and the Mom answered most every question. It is sad but the lack of communication resulted in the child not being offered a sports team scholarship.
Several years ago, I received funding to teaching a Nurse Aide class for people who had English as their second language. In addition to learning to make beds, give baths, and learning the number of ounces in a glass, we went outside the established curriculum and worked on eye contact and communication.
We began each class session with them standing from their seat around the table, and addressing the class, speaking for a couple of minutes about an event in their week while making eye contact with their classmates. It was very uncomfortable for them as it was not in their culture to make eye contact. They improved every week, and by the end of the 9-week course they were looking at me, and each other during class discussions. (We also did practice job interviews. First with each other, one on one, and then with me. This and the use of grant funds to purchase a watch with a second hand, all gave them a step up in landing a position as a Nurse Aide).
I am further apprehensive about the use of Zoom/ Team meetings, increased texting, and other non-personal interactions. Ordering at the drive-thru at the Subway in Boone is primarily pushing buttons regarding choices. An individual does collect the payment. The trend continues post pandemic of people not physically present at their job sites. In my work experiences, networking with colleagues resulted in improved efficiencies for programs.
Perhaps it was due to the isolation surrounding the Covid pandemic or perhaps enhanced by the explosion of the social media/technology, or a combination. Sadly, my observations are that communication skills are severely diminishing.
I am trying to improve that situation in my own individual way. I am incorporating a greeting with eye contact to at least five persons per day. Even to strangers. It appears to make some people suspicious, and a bit uncomfortable, but I am going to continue. I view it as a small step critical to improving our polarized society. Will you consider it also?
Mary Weaver writes View from My Window from her home in rural Rippey.
