Idle moments

~a column by Colleen O’Brien

In a moment of boredom, I decided to find something interesting to read on the internet. My advice to you is: Don’t go there.

A few examples:

“Stunning photos reveal what life was like 50 years ago.”
This must be for those who weren’t alive then. We who were would not find the pictures “stunning” – Woodstock, astronauts, the Brady Bunch….

“25 reasons we’re glad we grew up in the ‘80s.”
This must be only for those who did. No photo looks nearly as interesting as those from 50 years ago!

“Photos of the last places on earth where no human has ever visited.”
At first read, this made me laugh; and then I remembered drones. Now all these pristine places will be inundated with those who want to prove this list wrong.

“What to do if you encounter a bear.”
For most of us, who cares? Although the advice is? Keep your distance. No duh.

“Dog’s expression proves her guilty of stealing treats.”
This newsflash obviously deserves front page above the fold.

“Disneyland has a secret greenhouse that grows Mickey-shaped pumpkins.”
So much for that secret.

“How confident is your Zodiac sign?”
The question itself confused me, so I had to read on. It means: If you are a Pisces (etc.), your confidence level will be ______.” I had to see what my confidence level was, so I scrolled down to Scorpio; my computer would not let me go beyond Libra, the sign just before me. Maybe Scorps have no confidence at all, and the website doesn’t want to make them feel worse.

“100 things you must do to prepare you house for fall.”
A hundred? Someone’s a lot more responsible than I ever thought of being. I did not pursue this article.

“Photographer captures deer that might think it’s a cow.”
The photo was cute. My question is why the headline writer thinks a deer thinks.

“Young moose tries to play with deflated football.”
What is this trying to get into the animal brain? Maybe he just wanted to eat it.

“This is why hotels rarely offer toothpaste.”
Because entities that rate hotels do not include toothpaste in their list of things to rate. So much for the customer.

Okay, that’s as much as I could take. Next time I’m bored, I’ll change the oil in the car. Scrolling for entertainment is neither entertaining nor fruitful.

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